WARNING: This post has feels in it. I think they're yucky. You might too. If you don't want to hear about my emotions, don't read it! Ha!
How are you? It sounds like a simple enough question, and I've been getting it a LOT. From people back home it's in text form on Facebook with lots of exclamation marks and question marks. From filipino friends, it's "kumusta ka?" and of course all you're really supposed to say is "GREAT!"
I am great, by the way. Sometimes. There's a quote from Perks of Being a Wallflower (one of my favorite books/ movies) that says "So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be." That pretty much sums up how I feel right now.
I am happy because I am on this beautiful adventure and I know it's a gift.
I am sad because poverty just sucks.
I am happy because I've had an amazing month traveling and growing with my sweet friends.
I am sad because tomorrow morning, I'm leaving them.
I am happy because I have my own bed and my own room at my host mother's house.
I am sad because I miss my "babies" from home WAY more than I thought I would.
I am happy because technology enables me to stay connected to people that are literally across the globe from me.
I am sad because apparently the dictionary CHANGED THE MEANING OF THE WORD LITERALLY BECAUSE EVERYONE USES IT INCORRECTLY.
I am happy because I was blessed with an education.
I am sad because I took it for granted for 22 years.
I am happy because by God's grace I am here in this place, clumsily attempting to serve these people.
I am sad because being here has brought me to the stark realization that I have made more terrible mistakes than I will ever admit.
I am happy because I know Jesus died to forgive me for these mistakes, although I could never fathom why.
I am sad because I see sex trafficking every day and it makes my blood boil.
I am happy because I'm learning how to be alone, and that's something I've needed for a long time.
I am sad because it's really, REALLY hard to be alone.
I am happy because apparently I have an email address at PCUSA. (How cool is that?!)
I am sad because there are ants in my bed. And my water bottle. And all over my body and everything I own.
I am happy because today I get to go to a worship service where I can praise Jesus with reckless abandon and be inspired by others who do so on a daily basis.
I am sad because I can't go to that service every Sunday.
I am happy because I start my job this week and as my sweet friend Megan pointed out, I'm a "natural" with kids.
I am sad because I know approximately 1% of the language my kids speak.
I am happy because "If you don't learn to be happy while you're waiting for what you want, you'll never be happy when you get what you want."
How are YOU?